People often tell me I’m a chilled personality – relaxed, calm, and a roll-with-the-punches kinda gal (comes with the territory when you’re a conflict-averse introvert who doesn’t like to rock the boat). There are the natural flip sides to this part of my personality, like lacking drive and a certain motivation to getting things done, but I do prefer a less dramatic lifestyle.
Many years ago, however, I knew this girl who was a little more into the dramatic. About 18 years old at the time, she was introverted like me, though would fly off the handle at the smallest of stresses. Banging and crashing around like the exertion would somehow change the course of the day. This temper would then bring out language that would rival Eminem.
Yikes.
That person was me. Double yikes.
I find it hard to believe that that was the person who I really was back then. The total antithesis of me now, in some respects. In my very first job in a pizza takeaway establishment, my end of the year award was ‘the employee who was most likely to lose her cool’, or something like that.
This was a defining moment for me. As much as I thought this kind of behaviour matched who I was at the time, I hated the label. I realised I didn’t want to be that person.
Roll on three years. I had been in my second clerical role and on the cusp of my third. It was my last day. The parting word from one of my superiors was, as he shook my hand, ‘Grace under pressure. That’s how I will remember you’. I hadn’t even realised I’d done it, but I had changed the course of people’s perception just by changing my attitude.
Some might say my new husband mellowed me, though if you knew his dynamic, extroverted personality you might think otherwise! Some might say it was the faith in God that I found during that time, and I can’t deny the impact of my belief in a loving Creator who gave his life for me. All these factors contributed to my change, but what was the biggest factor of all?
Choice.
I made a choice, all those years ago, NOT to be ‘that’ girl. I made a choice to take a deep breath when I was stressed and to look at what I could do, not panic over what was out of my control. Oh, I still get stressed out (just ask my children) but I choose the kind of person I want to be in that stress. Sometimes it works and sometimes I fall into a screaming heap (just ask my children) but as Anne Shirley from LM Montgomery’s book Anne of Green Gables used to say, ‘tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it’. Sometimes ‘tomorrow’ is next week, sometimes it’s several, but I still try to choose to focus on my reaction, rather than the circumstances.
These days (and here’s where I start sounding like my grandmother) are troubling times. Being a victim is the flavour of the era. Kids are obese because of food advertising. Politicians are ruining the country. Intolerance is the flavour of the decade. What happens to us is often attributed to someone else’s responsibility.
But society seems to forget that we have a choice. A choice to say NO. A choice to turn off the TV. A choice to make a stand for what we believe in or who we want to be. A choice to respect the opposition in a disagreement and a choice to value people for who they are, as opposed to who they could or should be. Your choice may not be the thing that changes the world initially, but who knows, maybe collectively it could be. Maybe we CAN have a positive impact, reaching wider than we could ever imagine, if we stop blaming and start choosing.
So, who are you going to choose?
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