Stress or Strength

Watching myself cope with high levels of stress is an interesting exercise. I'm not having any weird out of body experience or anything, but I have noticed my behaviour toward certain things is affected by the anxiety of the task we have before us.

Moving house is always traumatic, and having moved four times since getting married I can say that with all certainty. In actual fact, one move I comment to my husband that he was taking me out of that house in a body bag because I was determined to never to go through that process again. That was two moves ago.

However, moving house AND moving away from the people that you respect and love is one of the most excruciating processes. The idea of a tree change is very romantic, and the promise of relief from the financial pressure of city living encouraging....but saying good bye to dear friends is the toughest part of all. 

As we get closer to the move day (five days away), the enormity of our journey is starting to reveal itself in an ugly tug of war. Excitement of a new beginning in a picturesque part of the country is being pulled by a deep sense of guilt at leaving everyone behind. Relationships have been forged over years, in some cases decades, and as each day passes it becomes harder and harder to say goodbye.

The school community are increasingly aware of this. After resigning from my position in the School Office (a decision I made with tears), I have frequented the school almost daily since - unable to make that last good bye. These are people I love dearly and I am moving away? Just one last conversation, one last coffee, one last farewell hug.... I think they are wondering if we are actually really going (I think I am in denial myself). Even though I know the decision to move is the best one for our family, and one we've been wanting to do since the beginning of our marriage, the parting is the most stressful part of all.

Which is why I went out yesterday to buy shoes. I don't really like to spend money ordinarily (one pair of men's boots, and regular visits to the shoe repairer, kept me in shoes for about five years in the early days) but for two days in a row I have felt the desire to spend money on specific items that I might need in a cooler climate - totally out of character for me. It's as if my big picture brain is taking a leave of absence and I now am surprisingly concerned with the finer detail. 

Like the paper shredder that stopped working last night. With the length of the TO DO list like the one I have, most people would just toss it in the bin. But no, I needed to take it apart, screw by screw in attempt of a surgical resurrection with a pair of tweezers and a bamboo skewer. After an hour and feeling completely satisfied that it was cleared of all jams, it still didn't work so I had to toss it anyway. 

Sometimes the realisation of a character trait is half the battle to help overcome it. An American philosopher, William James, once said "The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." (Read more quotes here)

So I choose now, not with my own strength but with the strength of a Creator God who I know loves me intensely and is just waiting for me to ask for help. Just like a father, watching his daughter trying to battle it out; waiting for her to remember him and ask for his help which he is delighted to give. So I choose to put aside that natural instinct of avoidance and I will face the task before me, with His strength. "As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength." (Psalm 138:3)

After all, there are only about fifty-something boxes to go....